The Homeschool Mom’s “To Don’t” List

As busy homeschool moms, we have plenty of “to do” lists. I’m not even talking about life stuff. Homeschooling alone has quite the laundry list of essentials that must get done. In future blog posts, I’ll share tips on how to get those tasks done (lesson planning, buying curriculum, scheduling your year, etc.) Not that I’m an expert, but I have had a lot of trial and error. What I want to give you here is the Homeschool Mom’s “To Don’t” List.

No one likes to be told “don’t”

I realize no one likes to be told “don’t.” When my kids were toddlers, “don’t” was interpreted as “go and sin boldly.” In no way do I mean to sound preachy here, as I am certainly not perfect (you can read about that here). Just think of me as your older sister who has failed a lot and wants you to avoid making some of the same mistakes I’ve made.

The Top 10 “To Don’ts” for Homeschool Moms

So here we go, the top 10 “don’ts” on the Homeschool Mom “To Don’t” List.

Homeschool Mama, please:

1. Don’t Compare

There are instances in which comparison is helpful. For example, my husband has a cousin who has nine kids. When the cousin’s wife and I get together, we like to compare notes on how each of us is managing our big family. This type of comparison is helpful.

The negative type of comparison is that which leaves you feeling “less than.” You see what other families are doing and you think you are getting less accomplished in a day, your kids are learning less, and your teaching is less effective. Do not do this, sister friend. Your situation is not the same as another’s. You have different learners than other families. We are all doing the best we can in the situation God has placed us. You are enough for what He has given you, never feel “less than.”

Comparing kids

Another type of negative comparison we can get caught up in is comparing our children to each other. This can take the form of comparing a younger child to where an older child was at that age. Or comparing two of your kids who are close in age with one another. As I mentioned before, comparison can have a positive aspect. By comparing your kids, you may see that one needs more intervention in a particular area. Similarly, you may realize that you have not covered a subject as thoroughly as you have in the past. 

The comparison that is negative, is the kind that causes you to feel that one of your kids needs to “catch up” to another. Color me guilty on this one (I think I just made up a saying). 

My four biological kids were always ahead of the curve. They spoke early, they slept through the night early, they learned pretty much everything earlier than expected. Then we brought home our first kidlet from China. She is nine months older than our youngest “made in the US” child, but was way behind when she arrived. As she got older, it was clear that she had a tougher time learning than her brother. I tried to keep them at the same level in school, but found it wasn’t optimal for either of them. It was an internal fight to keep me from not comparing the two of them and becoming frustrated that she couldn’t keep up. 

Comparing them was ridiculous, and I realized that. My son had great medical care from the time he was conceived. He was fed healthy foods. He was surrounded by people who loved and nurtured him. My daughter grew up in an institution. She was malnourished. A string of different caregivers took care of her so she had to learn how to attach and form bonds with people. English was her second language. 

Your kids may not be as different as mine, but it is still ridiculous to compare them with one another. They are completely different people, created uniquely by God to accomplish whatever plan He has for them. 

2. Don’t feel compelled to finish everything in your curriculum

When I taught in an elementary school, we never finished the curriculum. There was simply too much material included in the book than for what we had time. We also knew that the last section of a textbook was designed to introduce concepts that would be reviewed in the book for the next grade up. The kids were still getting a full education without covering every single page of their books.

If the thought of not completing a book makes you break out in hives, you have several options. You can always finish the book in the next school year or over the summer. One tactic I have employed is to pick and choose the chapters I want to cover for the remainder of the year. My daughter was using a biology program that I never intended to finish as it was supplemental. I allowed her to choose the chapters that were most interesting to her, and covered those. Remember, you are not a slave to your curriculum!

3. Don’t be afraid to change your curriculum mid-year

Oh the guilt…you spent good money on curriculum that you were sure would be amazing. Now months into it, you realize that it just isn’t working. You can’t stop using it now, can you? After all, you invested all that money into it. 

I say, get over the guilt. The money has already been spent, If the curriculum is not working for your family, it is not worth slogging through it.

From kindergarten through the 2nd grade, I used a math curriculum with my oldest that was considered the “sacred cow” of math programs. All the cool kids were using it. It worked fine for us until my son hit the 2nd grade. Math then became an instrument of torture, for both of us. It was taking an hour to get this one subject completed, and we were both in tears afterward.

I told my husband about a new program I really wanted to try, but didn’t want to switch mid-year because it would be an extra cost. He asked, “What does the Mom in you say?” I said, “The mom in me says switch right now.” So we did. My son loved his new curriculum (Math-U-See) so much he said, “Mom, this new math has changed my L-I-F-E!” At a conference I met the creator of the program (Steve Demme) and told him what my son had said. He was so tickled, he signed a sample disc for him that said, “Daniel, I think you are G-R-E-A-T!”

4. Don’t worry about what you didn’t do

Are you like me and fully intended to get in some “extras” this year? Maybe it was art appreciation, or composers, or Latin and Greek roots, or poetry, or…and never got to it? Here’s a major confession, I wrote a blog post on my “Procedure List to Cover the 50 States” (you can read it here) and even offered a free printable. This is painful to say, but I have yet to implement it! 

It’s okay to table those subjects until the next year. Or, you can use the summer to tackle one of the extras (or whenever you take a break). I fully intend to use my lovely procedure list this summer with my kids. If you think your kids will rebel at having to work during their break, you may be surprised. My kids really don’t mind covering a school subject as it gives us a routine and they have such a small amount  to do per day.

5.Don’t get too preoccupied with grade levels

As homeschoolers, assigning grade levels is usually done for non-academic reasons. The homeschool yearbook staff needs to know on what page your kids belong. Relatives may ask your kids what grade they are in and you want them to have an answer. When you sign up for Vacation Bible School, you have to put your child’s grade on the form. 

One of the great aspects of homeschooling is that we can tailor our children’s education to suit their needs. This means we can choose curriculum from various grade levels. If you use a boxed curriculum that might be more difficult as all the books are made for one grade level. Pardon the pun, but don’t “box” yourself in, thinking that your child has to perform at grade level in all subjects. For instance, I have a “4th grader” who uses a 2nd grade math book, but reads at a 5th grade level. He is at the level he needs to be for his own development. (Click here for a great article on homeschooling without grade levels.) Give yourself the freedom to “mix and match” to create the best program for your child.

6. Don’t stress out about high school

Ah, high school. Credits and units and transcripts, oh my! Teaching high school can seem daunting, but it doesn’t need to be. To make yourself more at ease with terms such as “credits, units, and transcripts,” research them while your kids are still in middle school. Make a general plan for your kids’ high school years, realizing that they are subject to change. Homeschool Legal Defense Association has a very helpful “Frequently Asked Questions” section on their site.

For my kids, I looked at what our state colleges required for admission and made a plan based on that. When I say general plan, I mean that I planned for four years of math, language arts, science, history, and two years of a foreign language with physical education and performing arts added in. This is actually more than is required for state colleges, but is what I wanted for our graduation requirements.

Making a plan

Our plan for our kids (because there are so many of them) is that they will attend a junior college for two years and then transfer to a state college (if that’s what they need to achieve their goals). Because we are choosing the junior college route first, my kids have not taken the SAT nor ACT as neither is required. Not only that, they have never had to show a diploma nor a transcript to enter the local community college after graduation. I still keep a transcript just in case, and have only had to show it when my kids applied for a work permit.

How has that worked for us? My oldest son transferred to a state university last year, and my next oldest is finishing his first year as a full-time student at our junior college. 

If you are concerned about teaching certain high school subjects, take advantage of online classes that can tackle those topics for you. Are you able to join a co-op that covers high school subjects? Dual enrollment at the local community college is another great option. One semester of college work is worth one year of high school work. My older boys took two semesters of Spanish at our junior college, which is equivalent to two years of high school Spanish. In addition, the cost of tuition is extremely low for dual enrollment.

7. Don’t become overly focused on academics

Academics are of course important, and if your kids are headed straight to a university after graduation, they have to fulfill certain requirements. With that said, I am pleading with you to remember that your kids are only young once. Please don’t become so focused on academics that your students are not able to enjoy being kids. 

My attitude has changed so much in this regard. When I first started homeschooling, I was intent on making sure my kids all had a rigorous education. By the time my oldest entered high school, I could see him getting bogged down by the workload. He was spending so much time on schoolwork, we hardly saw him. Things had to change. I looked at his subjects differently. He was going to become a police officer. Did he really need to know how to balance equations in Chemistry? I decided he didn’t, and had him take Chemistry 101 in a co-op. He learned the basics of chemistry and had fun doing it. Did he really need Trigonometry? Nope, he could take a class on finances instead. Changing my perspective on his academics helped lighten his load and enjoy his teen years.

8. Don’t be a helicopter mom

We are really adept at handling everything for our kids. Because we are both mom and teacher, we have a lot of control, authority, and influence on our kids. The trick is in knowing when and how to decrease each so our kids can become more independent. We want to mother, not smother. Remember that we want our kids to work us out of a job. Our goal is to raise our kids to be responsible, loving, and kind people who are productive members of society. They can only accomplish this if we encourage them to do more on their own as they get older. Yes, they will make mistakes, but that is also a part of growing up and taking responsibility for their own actions. Parents.com has a helpful article on helicopter parenting.

9. Don’t isolate yourself or your kids

I’m sure we’ve all been asked about socialization. As in, are our kids sufficiently socialized? Those of us with big families look at people who ask that question with a “You’re kidding, right?” expression. A doctor once commented about our family, “It must be like a continuous play date at your house.” It’s true that much of our kids’ socialization is done in our homes. However, it is a fair question to ask how much is being done outside the home.

I understand that many parents choose to homeschool their kids to keep them away from negative influences. This should not be an excuse though, to isolate them. As I said earlier, our job is to raise productive members of society. This means that our kids need to learn how to interact with people in society. 

Making connections

Do you give your kids opportunities to meet other children? We’ve had our kids at various times in softball, soccer, water polo, flag football, children’s theater, and martial arts. Don’t have the money to invest in extra curricular activities? Are there co-ops, clubs, or other social groups you can join within your homeschool community? What about play dates or park days with other families? Story time at the public library is another option for interaction. 

How about you, Mom? Are you staying connected with other moms? This homeschooling gig is hard work. You need support. If you are not a part of a homeschool support group, I encourage you to search one out. It’s extremely valuable to be able to ask other moms for advice or input or share ideas with them. At the very least, make an effort to attend a homeschool convention at least once. It’s a very uplifting experience to be in a place where everyone is on the same journey as you.

10. Don’t lose your pre-mom identity

When most of our waking hours are dedicated to the care and feeding of others, it’s easy for us as individuals to get lost in it all. After all, once you have a child you become known as (fill in the blank)’s mom. 

As a mom, your interests begin to change. You belong to multiple homeschool Facebook groups. You geek out when the Rainbow Resource and CBD homeschool catalogs come out. The majority of your Pinterest boards are devoted to homeschool planners, printables, and freebies. Your favorite YouTube videos are curriculum reviews.

Obviously none of this is wrong, or I’d be in real trouble! What I’m saying is that homeschooling should not be your only interest. Don’t forget about what made you, you before you had kids. What hobbies did you have? Were you a DIYer, or an avid reader, or a tennis player? 

Making time

“I don’t have time for any of that,” you say. That is a valid statement which I understand completely. I would blog a lot more often if I had the time. Here’s a question I have for you. Is it that you don’t have time, or are you not making the time? If you are spending all your free time on social media, I think you’re cheating yourself. 

It may take creativity, but try to eke out time for you to develop yourself personally. If you were an avid reader, you could form a mom’s book club that meets at the park while your kids play. You may have to make meetings once a month so you all have time to read the book! If you were a crafter, find a project you can work on after the kids go to sleep. You know you’ll be binge watching Netflix anyway. Now you can keep your hands busy too. Having that little bit of “me” time, will go a long way in staving off burn-out.

Don’t forget to have fun

Phew, have you stayed with me to the end? I commend you! Before you leave, here’s a bonus “don’t.” Don’t forget to have fun during this homeschooling journey. It’s easy to get so focused on what we have to get done, we forget to enjoy ourselves on the way.

Do you have a “don’t” you would add to the list? Leave it in the comments below or email me. I’d love to hear from you!